Do you ever have a hard time saying no? Or have you noticed yourself feeling riddled with guilt after declining requests and invitations? This is a situation that I’ve certainly found myself in and it’s also a topic that comes up pretty often in my coaching sessions with clients. Setting healthy boundaries and sticking to them is a skill that takes time and practice to implement comfortably.
Let’s be honest: saying no is awkward.
It’s uncomfortable telling someone that we can’t do something they’re asking for. And we can’t always predict how they’ll react to our declining their request? Sometimes it seems easier to just say yes even though we don’t really mean it. But what happens when we commit to something against our better judgment?
While avoiding the awkwardness of saying no, we end up taking on a responsibility that we’d rather not have. And when we do this, all kinds of feelings tend to get stirred up: instant regret, stress, overwhelm, and frustration (with ourselves and the requestor) are just a few examples. Whether it’s a simple commitment that requires little effort or it’s one that takes a lot of time and energy, doing something when we can’t or don’t want to always feels burdensome.
Of course, in life, we’re tasked with plenty of responsibilities that we’d rather not have. I would love not to worry about washing dishes every day or cooking throughout the week. But at the same time, I value having a relatively clean kitchen and eating home-made meals. I’m more willing to commit myself to and prioritize things when they align with my values in life.
Considering my values and priorities has been really helpful for me in learning to set healthy boundaries. It does take some time and effort to get clear on what exactly they are, but it’s so worth it! These days, I know that my top priorities include: taking good care of my body, spending time with family, writing every day, connecting with other women, tending to my business, and making time for self-care.
Gaining clarity about what’s important to me and why has made it a lot easier to choose my commitments accordingly. Sometimes this means passing up an opportunity that sounds really great. And other times, it means agreeing to one that I don’t find particularly appealing. Every time that I make a choice based on my values and priorities, I end up satisfied with the outcome.
Setting boundaries isn’t just about saying no. It’s also about knowing when to say yes.
So in order to start making commitments that feel really worthwhile, it’s important to have a good understanding of the things that matter most to you. This awareness is what makes it possible to set meaningful boundaries and focus on the aspects of life that you really care about.
Which brings me to the questions that I’ll end today’s blog with: What are the three aspects of YOUR life that you care most about right now? And how are you prioritizing them? Share your answer in a comment below this post or in an email!
Peace and blessings,
P.S. – Are you feeling stuck, overwhelmed, or uninspired by your life? Is there a challenge you’re facing or goal you’d like to work towards? If you’re ready to take a bold, true leap in your life, I can help you. Click here to schedule a FREE discovery session with me.